


Hitman: Death Wears a Fancy Suit

by Will_Keaton



Category: Hitman (Video Games)
Genre: Bad Fic, Deliberate Badfic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 13:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11380815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Will_Keaton/pseuds/Will_Keaton
Summary: Agent 48 learns the truth about his predecessor.





	Hitman: Death Wears a Fancy Suit

A man walked into the lobby of the hotel using is legs. He was inside a very expensive suit an had a bald for hair. Oh, and he had a price-tag on the back of his head. He was Agent 48, the most best assassin in all of earth. He could kill anybody anyplace anytime with anything. Back week he had killed the president of Molvania with a piece of licoricse. But know he was inside expansive hotel with nice carpet, he was hear to kill a man.

He knitted that his target was in the seven star hotel that he was in, but he did not know where. Agent 48 walked up to the main front desk and asked, “I want room please Ok?”

The hotel person gave Agent 48 a room to a key upstairs and called Bellhop into carry luggage that Agent 48 had. Soon Agent 48 and bellhop was alone in escalator. “Now was the minute that my move was going to be made”, Agent 48 said aloud to no-one. Then with speed of cheeta Agent 48 punched bellhop in knee. Ballhopper falled down and Agent 48 stuufed him in luggage.

Two or maybe sixteen minutes later Agent 48 was in his room and had taken out Bellhop from luggae. “Prepare to be assassinated!” Agent 48 whispered icy. Then he take jelly beans and soda pop and poured them down Bellhop's throat and he exploded. 

With his mission a success Agent 48 walked over to phone and used buttons on phone to call someone he wanted to talk too. “Hello thiis will be Agent number 48, code number 48.'

“Congardulations on gret assassassinationt Mr. 48.” The phone said.

“Bellhop is dead, jus as client wanted us to make happenWhat is new assignment?”

“Next mission operation will be danger filled very much.” The phone told Agent 48. “A client want us two stop them!”

“NO!” Agent 48 was a non-believer. “You can't mean!”

“Yes1, the phone called back? U hae to destroy the Mounties!” Agent 48 was shooked. More shooked then he had ever been previously. “come the back to headquarters 1st though. The Dr. want to speak at you.”

Laterer...

Agent 48 walked through the deers into the lab of Dr. Octogon Wolfmasher. It was a super secret but this lab was were Agent 48 was made using the latest in petri dish technology. Dr. Wormhamster entered his lab and began the speaking loudly. “Agent 48! As you know Agent 47 was used to be the most best assassin of all time. I grew him in petri dish to be perfect murder killer. Butt then a targedy happened.” Now his sadnees opend up from his eyeballs.

“I knowed. Dr. Ottomatic Warmpants.” Thius was a tail the Agent 48 had been eating many times before. “Agent 47 was the Killed by Mounties!” Agent 48 crushed his hand into fist shape and broke table in angry.

“Yes. That.” Dr. Ogopogo Weiner spaked. “Now the Super Duper Secret Agency of Secrets and Killing People want you to go kill all Mounties!” “Here, take this.” And then Dr. Omashu Wangsmith gave Agent 48 two shooting guns.

Agent 48 made a slalom promise. “I will always kill all Mounties to revenge the death!”

With his heart and his pants filled with revengerance Agent 48 wen tto the living-home of the evil Mounties, The Canada!

Agent 48 senaked inside the Canadain White House, (which was made of ice,). While being sneaker Agent 48 killed many Canadian secret service who were just like regular secret service except more canadian.

Once all the Cnadandian secret service was dead Agent 48 sneaked to the President's room and kicked door down with feet. The president of Canada saw the attacking come and used rad kung fu to defand hiself. Howanyway teh president's kung fu was not kung fuy enough for Agent 48's punch-people-in-face fu.

After he had beated up the President of Canada for information. “AlrightS!” Canadian president sled. “Mounties live underneaft rocky mountains.” He said. “Now will you latte me go!”

“N!” Was Agent 48's answer. “Nopony can know that I exist.” He was explainerizing. “Now prepare to be assassinated!” Then Agent 48 threw President into bathtub and threw in ipod causing death by ipod electrocution.

Now it was time to be inside Secret Mountie hideout, so he was. Agent 48 pulled out both his shooting guns and killed many Mounties. As the Mounties were being dead they fell off over railings and done spins and flips and one even get a perfect ten from judges.

Agent 48 exploded into room where evil Mountie leader was being. Butt when Agent 48 sewed the leader he dropped his shooting guns. Standing on the chair was Agent 47!!!1!

“Agent 47!” Agent 48 cried, his heart jumping over beets. “No! You are the dead!”

“No!" Agent 47 explaned. “The Mounties never kill me. They make me leader too help take over world. “

Agent 48 countered “NO!! You must be mind-soaped! You turn your back on the Super Duper Secret Agency of Secrets and Killing People!”

“No! I was never mind-soaped” Now it was Agent 47's turn to golf. “They is rude! Just like all other rest of world! once Evil Mounties have the take over, all people will be polite and get free maple syrup foreveer!”

NO! I cannot let you do this!” So Agents 47 and 48 began to wrestle. They wrestled at each other harder then they had ever wrestled before. As the bald people fought each gave punches and kicks tht shatted bone. They wrestled so hard thay made rocky mountains fall on top of them.

“Freedom is teh only thing that matters!” Agent 48 screamed as loud as possibly. Then he tackled Agent 47 and they both fell into a gaint vat of maple syrup and became drowned.

With all evil Mounties defeated Canada was a safe from tyranny and maple syrup always. All it taked was the sacrilage of one bald guy wearing a very nice suit.


End file.
